Official apology

Dear all,

I was so motivated to keep this blog up, and believe me, I have so much to write about. But, things happen 🙂 sometimes BIG things!

the other day I drove from Germany down to Switzerland (8h drive) to visit some friends for these coming days. Little did I know that waiting here in Switzerland was my “former best friend” over here, who moved back to the USA last year June – she had come to surprise us!

Basically, I am going to take my car, my friends, a tent and some food and drive up to the mountains, pass the mountains, down to Italy and swim in the Mediterranean. Yeah… that’s right – road trip!!!

So basically, I will not have any internet connection until Tuesday next week, so no updates will follow until then. I promise to tell you all about the trip and make some nice illustrations too once I am back.

I’m driving to Italy this weekend, what are you doing?

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Expressive letters…

Once more I had one of these days with plenty to say, but a boyfriend with little time to listen, so I found myself writing personalized letters instead. Here’s a little taste of my letters today.

—————————————————————————–

Dear sponge

You SUCK !!!!

Take it as a compliment!

You’re welcome.

Ms Sunshine

—————————————————————————–

Dear Honey-jar

I really, really appreciate you because I love honey but I think that sometimes you are not doing your job very well. If you didn’t know yet, your job is supposedly to keep the honey IN the jar, how hard can it be?

Every time I open you I do so extremely carefully, but still, you manage to get that honey all over you so that my hands get all sticky every time I touch you. It is like you are waiting for it, and as soon as you have a chance you will make that honey stick all over you…

As nowadays jars like you are recyclable, I am warning you, because this kind of behavior is not really adding value to your CV and you might end up being something like a disgusting plum-jam (and have to stay on the shelf in some supermarket for years as nobody likes you) or similar in the future if you are not more careful.

Next time, think about it before you act! Just saying…

Thanks!

Best,

Ms Sunshine

—————————————————————————–

Dear hair,

I know I cut you off two years ago and you have still not fully forgiven me, but can we please make peace now? I am sick and tired of having you all over my face whenever I drive, run or … move, in general. If you could just be long enough to attach, it would all be fine.

Can we make some kind of compromise? I promise to take care of you and NOT to color you again, leave you in peace and not attack you with chemical products. I promise to wash you, nourish you and let you dry in the fresh air.

Can you just please grow?

Is it really too much to ask?

Ok, I’ll put a F***ing pink ribbon in you if you just grow enough so I can attach you, how about that?

Thanks!

Best

Ms Sunshine

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The sunshine-guide to successful flirting

Alright, so more or less upon popular request (not at all really, but I promised girlonthecontrary to write her a guide, she didn’t ask for it… but still, request sounds better than “according to my proposal”) I would like to share some idea of how to conquer the jungle of flirting!

She said – flirting is something like “being nice”. Well, now that’s a little vague, isn’t it? I mean, just being nice could potentially come across as “Hey, I am flirting with you” but there is also a risk that it comes across as “Hey, I’m a nice person”.

Let us explore and dig a bit deeper in this whole jungle.

Most experts (yepp, I did my research) usually start with throwing in some stunning facts, like WHY DO WE FLIRT. Let us not spend time on this kind of crap, as we all know WHY we flirt. Let’s go straight to the action!

For your convenience I am going to split this into different sections, and do some illustrations to really emphasis the techniques.  The whole process can, in my humble opinion, be seen as a flowchart – this also makes it much easier to get a quick overview of the whole thing. Because different situation require different technique, right? So let’s start with that! The orange moments are what I will focus on here, the rest… you will have to figure out yourself.

So, let us start with the ICE BREAKER.
This is a VERY important moment, as it will basically tell you whether the guy is a loser or not. Most commonly I personally use the technique of simply breaking the ice. Yes, literary.

If you go for my technique, there are 2 options:

  • Order a drink with ice cubes – break them!
  • Order a drink with crushed ice (Margarita is a good example) and rather than physically attacking the ice you can just drop the line “oh, at least the ice is broken”.

However, there might be other situations where an attention-line is needed, and please forget all that “oh, I must have died and come to heaven…”-crap, think more about what you would like to hear yourself. I mean, in the end, you would want the dude to be a bit like you, right? If you are really out of pick-up lines, I wrote down some ideas for you:

“Hey, I read a blog today about a French Olive, he said French is the most sexy language in the world. Do you like olives?

“Hey, excuse me for asking, but would you happen to be French? No, ok, sorry, just wanted to check”

Sorry to bother you, but I’m doing research on how to best chat up people in a bar, would you like to participate?”

“Hey Brian! Oh, sorry, you are NOT Brian, right… you look like Brian”

“Hey, heeeeeey!!!!!” …
(him:) “errrhhh, yes”
Heeeey” (keep waving to your friend who stands behind the guy)

OK, you get it? Break the ice, be yourself but be a bit original!

I AM INTERESTED
As you might know from previous experience, having successfully broken the ice doesn’t necessarily mean that you will LIKE the guy. Normally, this goes both ways, so even though you were the one to break the ice, you will have to take further action (no, no more breaking things… promise) in order to show him that you are actually interested.

Let us draw up some main points here:

Goal of the conversation = to get a second date
– e.g NOT to get laid (if yes, jump straight to next point)

That would be the most important point to keep in mind actually.

Now, what to talk about?

Yourself – Yes, but not too much (be yourself)

Him – Definitely! Try to remember important details

Remember: Try to fix a second date.

DOES NOT WORK:

“I will call you” – suuuuuure
“let’s meet up sometime” – yeah, riiiiight!

Might work:

“Wow, time flew by so quickly, too bad… what about Wednesday, do you have plans already?”
“Listen, some friends of mine are throwing a party, but I really don’t want to go there alone, because there will be lots of people I don’t know, feel like joining?”

You get it? Do anything in your power in order to fix something for meeting up again. Believe me, it will save you a lot of pain and frustration.

No, I am not just casually chatting, I am trying to FLIRT here!
When you have succeeded in getting the second date, things are getting more serious. This step is also totally suitable for telling a friend that actually you want to be more than just friends. Make it clear. You want more! Suggest meeting in places where you are alone, like your place, his place, go to the sauna… what do I know?

Example:

Him: “Are you free for dinner Friday?”

You: “Sure, would love to. Hey, you remember how I said I love cooking? What about if I cook for us at my place?”

Pretty straight, or not?

Don’t forget – eye contact!
OK, I know – I’m sniffing on a tabu here… I am perfectly aware of that most of you are too shy/scared/whatever excuse to DO this, but in my desperate attempts to get internet-famous as I am so nice today, I will share some tips.

1. See it as a challenge – think about something COMPLETELY different, but keep your eyes at his!

2. Cheat! Meaning… don’t look him IN THE EYES, look straight at his eye-brows! (yes, it works! he will totally think you look in his eyes!)

OK, I agree, there is a risk that a friend might not pick up the hint, but if you really care for him, I would still try, and if he does not get it, go straight to the “be honest”-part. If you would succeed with the stranger though, to get as far as a dinner at your place (or whatever alternative you chose) you know what you will have to do next.

Yes, if you really want to move further with this guy, there is only one way:

BE HONEST!

“Hey dude, I really like you, I like, think I have feelings for you. Where do you think this is going?”

How hard can it be?

THINGS TO REMEMBER:
Well, having said all that, I wish you all the best of success out there in the flirting-jungle! The only thing I can add to that is to be strong, remember that there is more fish in the sea, and that you can always practice, practice and practice! I tend to practice on strangers myself (usually not very attractive people, but just for the sake of it), which is not a bad idea, because hey, it’s not like you are hurting their feelings or anything, you probably just make them feel good for the rest of the day.

If there would be no alternative whatsoever… there is always alcohol (but you didn’t hear that from me)! Yes, at least like that you will not be shy! 🙂

Backup-plan if you don’t like drinking:
Buy a ticket and get over to Europe, where the dating-concept is way more straight-forward. Usually, it goes more or less straight from breaking ice to being honest.

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PS: if you want more serious tips about flirting, check this out... seems to be a pretty complete guide.

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The awful mistake (?) of tagging PENIS…

Being a newbie on blogging and all that, I thought I was one of those persons who doesn’t give a crap about statistics and if people actually READ my blog. Of course, there was some slight excitement first time I had a comment and I noticed some people actually READ what I write. But nothing can me measured against the wonderful feeling I had when for the first time EVER I had a VISIBLE increase in visitors!

Yes, it was the day I wrote about the PENIS-SOAP. Of course, I just HAD to tag PENIS (don’t click this link if you’re sensitive, there is a picture of a REAL penis) in that message, so yepp… tag away, hop hop, there we go! Some hours later I saw that statistic shooting like a f***ing rocket-launch! My celebration dances and feeling of awesomeness can not be expressed even by a Richter-number, that’s how awesome I felt!

But just for about a day, because as soon as my “I always know best”-boyfriend told me that the only reason I had all those visitors was most likely because there are FREAKS out there! People who actually GOOGLE the word “Penis” and clicks on ANYTHING.

Well, I wish I had WORDS, but I don’t … so I made you this illustrative thing instead… I think it says it all:


So… yeah… that’s more or less how I realized I am NOT a new god of the internet (yet), but that I had had FREAKS visiting my site. This might be an explanation to that I don’t get any comments though, but damn it, did you really have to fool me like this? NOT FAIR!

Anyway, I do love my blog, and would you be someone that did NOT come here because you searched for random penises, I can highly recommend the Penis-soap  post as it has (almost) nothing to do at all with real penises and it has some more of my (maybe not so awesome, but still) drawings…

And hey, if you are not a freak, I would highly appreciate a little comment, just to know… because right now, I have the feeling that nothing but freaks read my blog :S

CONCLUSION: Tagging Penis makes your site visited by freaks and it might make you feel like a superstar, but do not try this at home, because the chock that hits you when you realize that you are NOT famous, but merely a target for FREAKS might be dangerous!

PS: Yes, my boyfriend is usually right.

PS2: Yepp, that’s right you FREAKS, I tagged penis AGAIN! I mean, come on! I HAD TO! But this time you will NOT FOOL ME !

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What were they thinking?

Just wanted to share a sign I saw in a café in Berlin (Germany). It’s a sandwich place, and kind of “American style” (e.g. the don’t sell german bread – they sell bagels … etc). What I don’t really get is the connection between JFK, Doris and Dick Mc Day????

No dear readers, I am not having a “penis-theme week” or anything even close to it, it is pure coincidence that this sandwich comes up right after the discovery of the penis soap – promise.

However, I am dedicating this weekend to some drawings for my upcoming posts, which I hope will be ready by Monday. Next week I am off to Switzerland and will go camping with my 2 best friends there, I am sure I’ll have plenty to tell about that too (because it is bound to go wrong…). But for now, have a great saturday!

Posted in Language and travels, Random-mostly funny | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Awesome things found around the world – the PENIS SOAP!

Ok, before anything else I would have to give some credits to my dear friend Liz here, because she was the one who introduced me to them (and I know you might check my blog as I all the time tell you to when I write something… so here you go – you ROCK).

As I already gave Liz the credits I am not going to tell the story of how I got to know the penis soap, but rather how Liz introduced it to another friend (you totally know who you are…) Rather important to the story is that this second friend is slightly sexually frustrated (read: needs to get laid). I promise, this is really important to know before reading the rest, because it makes much more sense if you keep her sexual frustration in mind.

Liz and my other friend was hanging out on a bar, a bar which is also a bathing place, like … yes, like a beach, just that there is no sand. They were most likely drinking a beer each, no wait, Liz maybe wine. All was quiet and peaceful, sun was shining and everyone was happy.

.

Then, all of a sudden, a giant evil seagull decided to use our friend’s (yes, the sexually frustrated one) head as a toilet. Being already rather frustrated about the whole sex-thing, imagine how she felt (she probably felt like using the seagulls head as toilet, but that’s not part of this tale…).

.

Then things went more or less like this:

Friend: Fucking crap… shit like this always happen to ME. Not only do I have to search for men (read: penis, because that’s most likely what she said anyway), I also get shit on by a fucking seagull.

Liz: Don’t worry, you’ll find a man (read: Penis) any day now, I know it… you are so beautiful, and you know it!

Friend: Well, that doesn’t change the fact that I have seagull-shit all over me!

Liz: Wait, I have something that will cheer you up (lighting up in a “I have an awesome idea, you gonna love it”-expression as only she can), follow me comrade! (really, this is most likely what she said, I am NOT exaggerating)

Friend: What, but waaaait, I still have my beer…oh, no, I don’t… FUCK!!!

Liz: Fuck the beer, this is truly awesome!

Having said that Liz took our friend to the other side of the bar, just outside the toilets, where there is a soap attached to a metal piece and a sink to wash your hands.

THE PENIS-SOAP!

Liz: You see, PENIS-soap!

Friend: What? Penis? I see no penis? What do you mean? OK, I will wash myself, but I don’t get it…

Liz: What do you mean you don’t get it? It’s a fucking penis-soap. Touch it, rub it, and don’t come and tell me it’s NOT a penis-soap.

Friend of course had no choice (and anyway needed to clean the shit away) but to wash herself using the lovely soap, so she did so and turned her head.

Friend: OMFG! You are right! It feels like a PENIS! I need one of THESE in MY place!!!!!!!!!

Birdshit – forgotten (what bird shit?)
Lost beer – Who gives a fuck?
New item found: Penis soap!

EVERY HOME NEEDS A PENIS SOAP, IT WILL MAKE WASHING HANDS MORE AWESOME, AND IT MIGHT EVEN TAKE YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONS AWAY…. (for a short while).

PS: I will find a place where you can order them online… promise!

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If i would ever get pregnant from eating olives I would …

OK, I know, this does not make very much sense, because of course (as you are not retarded) you know you don’t get pregnant from Olives. However, I always thought I would ONLY like Olives once I get pregnant, and I wrote a post about it (just this morning, really, if you want to read it, just scroll down, or click here). I guess if you have not read the post about olives, this makes little sense, but I still wanted to share something … because I just couldn’t stop thinking about olives!

If I ever get pregnant and spend 9 months eating olives (because I’m sure I would love them even more then), I think it would only be fair to call the kid Olivier. It’s French. I like France. They have olives in France as well.

'Ello, I am a French Olivier. I do not know why I am so very 'Appy, I think it is because I sound 'Appy when I speak in the English...

I am SORRY – I just couldn’t stop myself!

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I like Olives – therefore I am…. Pregnant?????????

Food, I love food! I wish I liked more food than I actually like. I have a secret list of food I call “grown-up-food” that I would like to learn to like, because it just looks so good, and all grown up people seem to love it. Today is all about the OLIVE, but let me give you the list so you get an idea of what I mean.

(part of) List of grown-up-food to learn to enjoy:
• Oysters
• Seafood in general • Olives
• Sushi
• French stuff – yes, think foie gras, snails, various patés and you are there…

I might have a long way to go, but I would like to share how I became friend with the OLIVES.

Have you also noticed it? Most grown up people seem to LOVE olives. Every time I go to some nice bar to have wine with friends we seem to get a little bowl of Olives to snack on, and I always thought it looked so sophisticated to sit there, drink a glass of wine and snack some olives… just that I fucking HATE olives. They taste like… like… wood or something, just disgusting.
However, I wanted to be cool and sophisticated too, so every time there was olives on the table, I TRIED a couple. Of course, this usually lead to me drinking more and more wine to get the olive taste away (and was usually one of the justifications for being the most drunk one… but that’s a different topic).

I just thought that those little fuckers looked like small stones saying “hey there, eat me, I don’t taste good, but you look cool if you eat me… EAT ME!!!” and usually all friends were like:

“oh, you don’t like Olives, but they are sooooo deliscious!”
“What, you don’t like olives? How can you NOT like olives?”

Because they taste like dirt and make you fat you idiots! – that’s what I would have wanted to say, but instead I said something like “well, I kind of like them, but these particular ones are not that great….

So, I decided that probably ONE DAY I would like olives. I heard that when you get pregnant you change your taste significantly and therefore I thought, hey, no panic, when I get old and want to have babies I will like olives too 🙂

One day, actually when visiting Madrid with my beloved boyfriend, we ended up on a café for a glass of wine in the afternoon, and what did we get with it – of COURSE… olives! I did my usual thing, meaning taking one of those little fuckers and told him something like “you better taste good or I’ll kill you!” and shoved him into my mouth… just that… he was fucking DELISCIOUS!

I told my boyfriend: “Man, these olives are fucking deliscious”

Boyfriend: “yeah, I like olives, and these are OK”

Me: “No, they are not OK, they are fucking deliscious!”

Boyfriend: “OK, if you say so”

5 minutes later (my boyfriend is a bit slow sometimes and definitely has a short-term-memory-problem)

boyfriend: “Wait a minute, you normally do NOT like olives!”

Me: “I know… that’s why I’m telling you – these ones are fucking deliscious!”

Boyfriend: “Well, they taste more or less like any normal olives I have had before”

Me: “Really? So you mean these are just NORMAL olives? Like, nothing special?”

Boyfriend: “Yeeeeeah…. At least they don’t taste special to me…”

Me: “Fuck…. Shit, we need to go”

Boyfriend: “What? Why, what’s wrong?”

Me: “I think I might be pregnant… no time to explain… need to buy test”

The fact that my and boyfriend had been living apart for the last couple of months and NOT been having any chance to even produce a potential baby didn’t stop me, I was really convinced that I was pregnant. I had to be – Olives tasted differently. Quick quick, pharmacy, buy test, go home to hotel room, pee on test, wait wait wait and then find out that… NO, I was NOT pregnant! (yohooo, I was totally relieved and happy…dancing around and then going back out to celebrate with more wine and olives… )

Conclusion: just because you all of a sudden start to love olives, it does NOT mean you are pregnant.

Conclusion 2: I LIKE OLIVES!!! Yohoooooo…..

Posted in Daily life, Growing up, Random-mostly funny | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Can SOMEBODY please help me????

OK, so NO, this is NOT a scream for help (even though getting some help on getting internet-famous is of course appreciated and very welcomed), it is more like the truth about how SOMEBODY completely ruined parts of my childhood.

When I grew up there were 5 of us in our family. There was my dad, my mum, my sister, I and then… then there was SOMEBODY. Somebody had this amazing way of never really being there, but in some way always being present. Things like “can SOMEBODY please prepare the table” or “SOMEBODY needs to take the garbage out” were pretty standard.

OK, you get it. Of course you get it – you’re not retarded.

I was not retarded either, I was just a kid with wild imagination. TRUE. I am convinced that I have I was convinced I had (ok ok, it’s still there, but anyway…) a monster looking something like a lion (but black and bigger teeth) under my bed I also have had 2 imaginary friends living in my closet (but we will get back to them some other time, because I don’t want to joke around about them as they are my friends).

So for me, this SOMEBODY was a quite big man (must have been, because he was supposedly able to do some of the heavy job, at least that’s what mum said) and also quite EVIL – because he never did what he was supposed to do, and therefore mischievous by nature. Normally he hung out in the closets or on the second floor (when all the lights were out there), but sometimes he would sneak around the house in the middle of the night which is why needing to go to the bathroom in the dark is was a near-to-death-experience. This part REALLY is true. My mum said so. She said “Somebody must have eaten all the chocolate over night, because there is no more” and “Somebody made a lot of noise last night”. You see, I’m not crazy, nor retarded – what kid that believes it’s own mum is lying? And are you going to tell me that it was retarded to listen to my mum?  (If you ARE a mum, be careful what you think/say now). Then most of the kids would be kind of retarded, right?

Then, when I kind of grew up and left my parents (and Somebody) it was a somewhat relief, until… more or less until the first time I lived in a shared flat with other people. Because HE CAME BACK! I was sure he was haunting me, and seriously, I couldn’t tell my flat mates I was scared of SOMEBODY. But they kept going on about him… “Somebody ate my fucking chocolate” (I’m telling you, he REALLY likes chocolate), “can Somebody clean the fucking toilet?” and I thought it was kind of creepy.

Problem is, that every time I am trying to be nice to Somebody, it doesn’t really work.
Good example: I buy chocolate for somebody – my boyfriend eats it.

I bet SOMEBODY reads my blog too…. F***ing stalker!

Somebody is hereby officially exposed! Anyway, that’s all I have to say about that.

PS: If you are reading this and you are NOT a mysterious big man sneaking around in the dark and eating other people’s chocolate, I am NOT referring YOU in the stalking-statement. Please stay.

Posted in Daily life, Growing up, Random-mostly funny | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How to speak 50% German in 5 minutes

For someone not being native in German and mainly having studied the Latin languages (think French, Spanish, Italian…) learning German might seem like mission impossible. But do not fear, I have found THE WAY! And generous as I AM, I have created a 5-minute guide for you to also get your German up to about 50% in one GO!… amazing, right?

I think that the creation of the German language can be seen as something like a timeline, more or less exactly aligning with the human evolution. Let me explain, because it really is that easy. And let’s start at the BEGINNING.

Stage ONE, or STONEAGE: What is this? Hmmm… a FIRE-THING!

With simple words and things that are not inventions of the last century, always refer to the THING. Meaning, when you’re not 100% sure about the translation of a word, think like a German (what they themselves refer to as logic, and we foreigners sometimes to “ridiculous” (-ly funny)).

Example:

Me: “I’m going home for the holidays”

Other: “Oh, nice… are you driving?”

Me: “no, I … I …. Go with the… erhhh…. “

That’s where you take the time to stop and THINK. Think like a German. How are you going home? You’re flying… if you’re flying, what do you go by? An airplane, yes, but what could that be in German. Let’s see… it’s a thing… that flies… OK, got it… “flying thing” (= Flugzeug).

Good examples of stone age-words:

  • Spielzeug – Play + thing = Toy
  • Werkzeug – work + thing =  Tool
  • Feuerzeug – Fire + thing = Lighter
  • Fahrzeug –  Driving/riding + thing = Vehicle

Stage TWO, or MODERNISATION: Oh, look at that, what are we going to call it?

This is the tricky piece, where the Germans came up with their own words, and I think it usually went something like this:

German 1: “Look, a new fruit, now – what are we going to call this?”

German 2: “Hmmm… the English call it “pear”, the French “poire”, the Spanish “Pera”… we have to stay unique…

German 1: “You’re right… let’s go for… what do you think about “BIRNE”?

German 2: “Awesome, that will not be confusing at ALL and make us unique and our language harder to learn”

Good examples of modernization-words:

  • Birne = Pear
  • Möhre = Carrot
  • Entschuldigung = Excuse me/ Sorry

Stage THREE, or COMBINATION: “Oh, we ran out of ideas, let’s combine what we already have”

Be aware, because this is also the stage when German started to get complicated. After they ran out of words that were new and unique, they started to combine words to get the specific meaning of new inventions/things and this is also where the world-famous lengthy words start to pop up. As we were already talking about vehicles back in the Stone Age, let’s go back there and see how the Germans handled it when they realized it was too vague as they now had different kind of vehicles.

“Oh, let me see, we have too many vehicles, we can not understand the exact use of it, we need to specify…. What is this REALLY???”

That is how a car got to be called a “person-force-wagon” (= personenkraftwagen… yes, in ONE word) which is more precise than vehicle. A turtle (which was probably unknown to Germans until this period of time) became a “shield-toad”.

Good examples of combination-words:

  • Personenkraftwagen – Person + force + wagon = Car
  • Schildkröte – Shield + Toad = Turtle
  • Streichholz – strike/sweep + wood = Matches
  • Handschuh – hand + shoe = Glove
  • Schlittschuh – sliding + shoe = ice skates (Schlittschuh laufen = the verb “to ice skate” – to go “slideshoewalking”)

Stage FOUR or GLOBALIZATION: “Oh, that sounds like English, let’s call it that”

The Globalization stage is not something that only the Germans went through, and believe me, I could talk endlessly about how the Spanish or French adapted the new terms, which might even be funnier, but in order to make this guide complete, I feel like I can not leave this part out.

This period also lead to that most Germans think they speak good English and it is therefore bound for confusion when talking with them in English. For them, it is totally normal to say such things as:

“You can call me on my Handy…”

Ugh, OK, I can call you upon convenience, or what do you mean?

Good examples:

  • Handy = Cell phone (and they think it comes from English)
  • Antibabypille = contraception pills (I guess “contraception” was to hard to make sound German)

You see, that was less than 5 minutes, and you are already there!
Vocabulary – CHECK!


Now, the only thing you should keep in mind in order to get your German sound like native is simple:

KEEP IT COMPLICATED!!!

Yes, you heard me right… the expression “less is more” is DEAD to the Germans, and here it is all about being as complicated as possible. Mostly, this comes down to being very, very specific when talking. Always think about what you want to say and see if you can get more specific, and if yes, usually you lengthen your word (Germans do not like attributes adjectives and adverbs, they want just ONE word, it’s SIMPLER…right…)

Meaning… if you talk about the turtle we previously mentioned, think about it, is it living on LAND or on WATER (the fact that you saw it in your garden does not justify you for NOT specifying this… again, think like a GERMAN).

“I saw a land-turtle today” (= Landschildkröte)

If you talk about, let’s say a house, think about it, is it a big house with several apartments, is it a house where more than one family lives but doesn’t have more than 5 floors so it’s not considered huge or is it a private house?

“We looked for an apartment in a multiple-family-house on the mainstreet” (e.g. mehrfamilienhaus as in an apartment building with not too many residents…)

Now, if you have made it all the way down here, I have some things to say:

  1. Congratulations – you now speak 50% German
  2. Congratulations – You have now learnt how to think like a German
  3. I’m sorry for you – you must be very bored (or live in Germany and trying any method possible to learn German)

So, let’s be pedagogic here and sum up… in order to speak German:

  1. Think like a German – e.g .What is the purpose of the word you are searching?
  2. Learn the “unique” words (haha, they won’t be so damn unique anymore)
  3. Complicate… I cannot stress this enough!!!

...but the Germans apparently didn't know that when they named me...

OK, that’s all for now.. I’m heading out to practice my German on complete strangers, might tell you how that went another time 🙂

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PS: I showed this post to my (German) boyfriend before posting it, and his first comment was “But you know yourself it doesn’t totally make sense right… they did not have cars in the stone age….”

PS2: One of the longest German words I could find on the internet is Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz, seriously! (this word also won a “special award” in 1999 – WOW!!!)

PS3: If you think this was the awesome post I had in mind, think again… I’m not THAT retarded… I still have that in my head 🙂

PS4: I promise to write about something else than German tomorrow…

PS5: if you do like my language stories… find more of them HERE

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