Once more I had one of these days with plenty to say, but a boyfriend with little time to listen, so I found myself writing personalized letters instead. Here’s a little taste of my letters today.
You SUCK !!!!
Take it as a compliment!
I really, really appreciate you because I love honey but I think that sometimes you are not doing your job very well. If you didn’t know yet, your job is supposedly to keep the honey IN the jar, how hard can it be?
Every time I open you I do so extremely carefully, but still, you manage to get that honey all over you so that my hands get all sticky every time I touch you. It is like you are waiting for it, and as soon as you have a chance you will make that honey stick all over you…
As nowadays jars like you are recyclable, I am warning you, because this kind of behavior is not really adding value to your CV and you might end up being something like a disgusting plum-jam (and have to stay on the shelf in some supermarket for years as nobody likes you) or similar in the future if you are not more careful.
Next time, think about it before you act! Just saying…
I know I cut you off two years ago and you have still not fully forgiven me, but can we please make peace now? I am sick and tired of having you all over my face whenever I drive, run or … move, in general. If you could just be long enough to attach, it would all be fine.
Can we make some kind of compromise? I promise to take care of you and NOT to color you again, leave you in peace and not attack you with chemical products. I promise to wash you, nourish you and let you dry in the fresh air.
Can you just please grow?
Is it really too much to ask?
Ok, I’ll put a F***ing pink ribbon in you if you just grow enough so I can attach you, how about that?