The sunshine-guide to successful flirting

Alright, so more or less upon popular request (not at all really, but I promised girlonthecontrary to write her a guide, she didn’t ask for it… but still, request sounds better than “according to my proposal”) I would like to share some idea of how to conquer the jungle of flirting!

She said – flirting is something like “being nice”. Well, now that’s a little vague, isn’t it? I mean, just being nice could potentially come across as “Hey, I am flirting with you” but there is also a risk that it comes across as “Hey, I’m a nice person”.

Let us explore and dig a bit deeper in this whole jungle.

Most experts (yepp, I did my research) usually start with throwing in some stunning facts, like WHY DO WE FLIRT. Let us not spend time on this kind of crap, as we all know WHY we flirt. Let’s go straight to the action!

For your convenience I am going to split this into different sections, and do some illustrations to really emphasis the techniques.  The whole process can, in my humble opinion, be seen as a flowchart – this also makes it much easier to get a quick overview of the whole thing. Because different situation require different technique, right? So let’s start with that! The orange moments are what I will focus on here, the rest… you will have to figure out yourself.

So, let us start with the ICE BREAKER.
This is a VERY important moment, as it will basically tell you whether the guy is a loser or not. Most commonly I personally use the technique of simply breaking the ice. Yes, literary.

If you go for my technique, there are 2 options:

  • Order a drink with ice cubes – break them!
  • Order a drink with crushed ice (Margarita is a good example) and rather than physically attacking the ice you can just drop the line “oh, at least the ice is broken”.

However, there might be other situations where an attention-line is needed, and please forget all that “oh, I must have died and come to heaven…”-crap, think more about what you would like to hear yourself. I mean, in the end, you would want the dude to be a bit like you, right? If you are really out of pick-up lines, I wrote down some ideas for you:

“Hey, I read a blog today about a French Olive, he said French is the most sexy language in the world. Do you like olives?

“Hey, excuse me for asking, but would you happen to be French? No, ok, sorry, just wanted to check”

Sorry to bother you, but I’m doing research on how to best chat up people in a bar, would you like to participate?”

“Hey Brian! Oh, sorry, you are NOT Brian, right… you look like Brian”

“Hey, heeeeeey!!!!!” …
(him:) “errrhhh, yes”
Heeeey” (keep waving to your friend who stands behind the guy)

OK, you get it? Break the ice, be yourself but be a bit original!

As you might know from previous experience, having successfully broken the ice doesn’t necessarily mean that you will LIKE the guy. Normally, this goes both ways, so even though you were the one to break the ice, you will have to take further action (no, no more breaking things… promise) in order to show him that you are actually interested.

Let us draw up some main points here:

Goal of the conversation = to get a second date
– e.g NOT to get laid (if yes, jump straight to next point)

That would be the most important point to keep in mind actually.

Now, what to talk about?

Yourself – Yes, but not too much (be yourself)

Him – Definitely! Try to remember important details

Remember: Try to fix a second date.


“I will call you” – suuuuuure
“let’s meet up sometime” – yeah, riiiiight!

Might work:

“Wow, time flew by so quickly, too bad… what about Wednesday, do you have plans already?”
“Listen, some friends of mine are throwing a party, but I really don’t want to go there alone, because there will be lots of people I don’t know, feel like joining?”

You get it? Do anything in your power in order to fix something for meeting up again. Believe me, it will save you a lot of pain and frustration.

No, I am not just casually chatting, I am trying to FLIRT here!
When you have succeeded in getting the second date, things are getting more serious. This step is also totally suitable for telling a friend that actually you want to be more than just friends. Make it clear. You want more! Suggest meeting in places where you are alone, like your place, his place, go to the sauna… what do I know?


Him: “Are you free for dinner Friday?”

You: “Sure, would love to. Hey, you remember how I said I love cooking? What about if I cook for us at my place?”

Pretty straight, or not?

Don’t forget – eye contact!
OK, I know – I’m sniffing on a tabu here… I am perfectly aware of that most of you are too shy/scared/whatever excuse to DO this, but in my desperate attempts to get internet-famous as I am so nice today, I will share some tips.

1. See it as a challenge – think about something COMPLETELY different, but keep your eyes at his!

2. Cheat! Meaning… don’t look him IN THE EYES, look straight at his eye-brows! (yes, it works! he will totally think you look in his eyes!)

OK, I agree, there is a risk that a friend might not pick up the hint, but if you really care for him, I would still try, and if he does not get it, go straight to the “be honest”-part. If you would succeed with the stranger though, to get as far as a dinner at your place (or whatever alternative you chose) you know what you will have to do next.

Yes, if you really want to move further with this guy, there is only one way:


“Hey dude, I really like you, I like, think I have feelings for you. Where do you think this is going?”

How hard can it be?

Well, having said all that, I wish you all the best of success out there in the flirting-jungle! The only thing I can add to that is to be strong, remember that there is more fish in the sea, and that you can always practice, practice and practice! I tend to practice on strangers myself (usually not very attractive people, but just for the sake of it), which is not a bad idea, because hey, it’s not like you are hurting their feelings or anything, you probably just make them feel good for the rest of the day.

If there would be no alternative whatsoever… there is always alcohol (but you didn’t hear that from me)! Yes, at least like that you will not be shy! 🙂

Backup-plan if you don’t like drinking:
Buy a ticket and get over to Europe, where the dating-concept is way more straight-forward. Usually, it goes more or less straight from breaking ice to being honest.


PS: if you want more serious tips about flirting, check this out... seems to be a pretty complete guide.


About sunshinediary

Just another woman, in another town, on another street. Living the same life, same loves, same losses, same happiness and same shit as most people. Having problems, solving problems, seeking happiness... you know, the usual shit.
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5 Responses to The sunshine-guide to successful flirting

  1. Lilly says:

    Quite an amusing post, I particularly like the bit about breaking the ice and all your funny pictures!

  2. girlonthecontrary says:

    Loved it. These are some great tips and I think what will stick with me particularly are the pictures (I’m a pretty visual girl). Also, I am totally crushing some ice because it will “break the ice” but also show I’m really strong and I think guys like that. I’m so glad you wrote this post!!!!

  3. Ivy says:

    I got to this blog through girlonthecontrary’s. Man, I need all the help I can get. 😀 I found the breaking the ice bit incredibly hilarious!

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