Food, I love food! I wish I liked more food than I actually like. I have a secret list of food I call “grown-up-food” that I would like to learn to like, because it just looks so good, and all grown up people seem to love it. Today is all about the OLIVE, but let me give you the list so you get an idea of what I mean.
(part of) List of grown-up-food to learn to enjoy:
• Seafood in general • Olives
• French stuff – yes, think foie gras, snails, various patés and you are there…
I might have a long way to go, but I would like to share how I became friend with the OLIVES.
Have you also noticed it? Most grown up people seem to LOVE olives. Every time I go to some nice bar to have wine with friends we seem to get a little bowl of Olives to snack on, and I always thought it looked so sophisticated to sit there, drink a glass of wine and snack some olives… just that I fucking HATE olives. They taste like… like… wood or something, just disgusting.
However, I wanted to be cool and sophisticated too, so every time there was olives on the table, I TRIED a couple. Of course, this usually lead to me drinking more and more wine to get the olive taste away (and was usually one of the justifications for being the most drunk one… but that’s a different topic).
I just thought that those little fuckers looked like small stones saying “hey there, eat me, I don’t taste good, but you look cool if you eat me… EAT ME!!!” and usually all friends were like:
“oh, you don’t like Olives, but they are sooooo deliscious!”
“What, you don’t like olives? How can you NOT like olives?”
Because they taste like dirt and make you fat you idiots! – that’s what I would have wanted to say, but instead I said something like “well, I kind of like them, but these particular ones are not that great….”
So, I decided that probably ONE DAY I would like olives. I heard that when you get pregnant you change your taste significantly and therefore I thought, hey, no panic, when I get old and want to have babies I will like olives too 🙂
One day, actually when visiting Madrid with my beloved boyfriend, we ended up on a café for a glass of wine in the afternoon, and what did we get with it – of COURSE… olives! I did my usual thing, meaning taking one of those little fuckers and told him something like “you better taste good or I’ll kill you!” and shoved him into my mouth… just that… he was fucking DELISCIOUS!
I told my boyfriend: “Man, these olives are fucking deliscious”
Boyfriend: “yeah, I like olives, and these are OK”
Me: “No, they are not OK, they are fucking deliscious!”
Boyfriend: “OK, if you say so”
5 minutes later (my boyfriend is a bit slow sometimes and definitely has a short-term-memory-problem)
boyfriend: “Wait a minute, you normally do NOT like olives!”
Me: “I know… that’s why I’m telling you – these ones are fucking deliscious!”
Boyfriend: “Well, they taste more or less like any normal olives I have had before”
Me: “Really? So you mean these are just NORMAL olives? Like, nothing special?”
Boyfriend: “Yeeeeeah…. At least they don’t taste special to me…”
Me: “Fuck…. Shit, we need to go”
Boyfriend: “What? Why, what’s wrong?”
Me: “I think I might be pregnant… no time to explain… need to buy test”
The fact that my and boyfriend had been living apart for the last couple of months and NOT been having any chance to even produce a potential baby didn’t stop me, I was really convinced that I was pregnant. I had to be – Olives tasted differently. Quick quick, pharmacy, buy test, go home to hotel room, pee on test, wait wait wait and then find out that… NO, I was NOT pregnant! (yohooo, I was totally relieved and happy…dancing around and then going back out to celebrate with more wine and olives… )
Conclusion: just because you all of a sudden start to love olives, it does NOT mean you are pregnant.
Conclusion 2: I LIKE OLIVES!!! Yohoooooo…..